


i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us

by LorHorse



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Bond, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Slow Burn, oc knights of ren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25576297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LorHorse/pseuds/LorHorse
Summary: What if the Resistance escaped before the First Order could decimate their forces on Crait? What if the Force bond continued to connect Kylo and Rey, even after Snoke's death?
Relationships: Knights of Ren & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you are here and reading this thank you so much for clicking on my story!
> 
> I am planning to upload every Tuesday but I may occasionally upload two chapters in a week, depending on how fast I write. Kudos and comments persuade me to write faster!
> 
> At this point, I have pre-written a few chapters already as well as outlined the entire story.
> 
> Anything in italics is a thought or someone speaking in someone else’s head. You’ll understand when you get there I hope.
> 
> There will be a little Star Wars term guide at the bottom that will hopefully quell any confusion you may have over anything in the chapter you don’t understand. I didn’t know much before researching either :P

“General Organa, we’re getting a comm-relay call from an unknown source in the Lothal Sector. Permission to make contact?”

“Granted,” Leia replied as Rey peered at the screen over the Resistance soldier’s shoulder. A voice came over the comm, muffled by heavy interference, and Rey moved in closer, struggling to hear the voice. For a few moments the words were unintelligible, but slowly a voice became clear. Rey could tell instantly that the voice belonged to a little girl and her heart clenched in her chest. Her mind brought her back to her own childhood in the hands of Plutt as she struggled to hear what the girl was saying.  _ Get ahold of yourself Rey. _

“...there’s someone here...mask...Knight of Ren...Atollon.” The line went dead suddenly before Rey was able to make out any more of the girl’s frantic words. Rey and Leia made eye contact as the soldier who answered the call tried desperately to reconnect to their contactor. At the general’s confused look, Rey approached Leia.

“There’s a Knight of Ren on Atollon I believe,” Rey said calmly even though inside she was feeling anything but. “This could be our chance to get some information. We need this, Leia,” Rey pleaded with the general.

The First Order had been suspiciously quiet after the death of Snoke at the hands of Kylo Ren. The Resistance had not been pursued to Crait, much to their surprise, and they had recently moved their base of operations to Maridun. Ben hadn’t even appeared to her since Snoke’s death and a small part of her was starting to believe that the bond had been put there by Snoke in order to manipulate them. That small part grew every day that she didn’t feel the familiar surge in the force that accompanied a visit from Ben.

Ben. Rey didn’t know exactly when she had started thinking of him as Ben instead of Kylo Ren but she hadn’t been able to shake the habit. Her resentment for him still brewed deep inside of her no matter what she called him in her head.

Rey had felt a spark of hope when he had killed Snoke and saved her. Hope that he would join her. Hope that she would finally have someone to quell the loneliness that consumed her, the dark pit of loneliness that was like a living thing squirming inside of her, poking and prodding and never letting her forget about its existence. Even after finding Finn and Leia, it wasn’t satisfied. She had let herself hope that maybe he would be the one to satisfy that loneliness but then he had asked her to join him and it had all come crashing down. She had run back to the Resistance and her friends but the loneliness now gnawed at her more than ever, like a starving beast trying to get its fill. It had a taste of that true connection and now it wanted more.

“Rey? Rey!” Rey jumped when she felt Leia’s hand on her shoulder.  _ Focus Rey. _

“Sorry. What did you say?”

“Get your team together. At this point we need to jump at any chances we have.” It was clear that Leia was displeased with having to make this decision from her grimace and the hesitant expression in her eyes. Rey knew that the wounds of losing Han were still open and her fear of losing anyone else was at an all-time high. Rey hugged the woman who had quickly become a maternal figure to her.

“We will come back. I promise.” Rey whispered in Leia’s ear before breaking the embrace and heading off to find Poe and Finn.  _ I hope that’s a promise I can keep. _

************

The vast desert that was Atollon threatened to send Rey back to darker times, before she knew of her relationship with the Force. Before she knew the name Ben Solo. Rey shook her head and focused on the mission. They could not afford any distractions, not when facing one of the Knights of Ren. They were notoriously dangerous and had killed many before without mercy. Rey was sure they would all jump at the chance to be the one to take down the Jedi girl and drag her body back to their master.

“We’ll land here. This is the largest settlement in the area Connix was able to pin the comm-relay from.” Rey faintly registered Poe talking as she mentally fortified herself. The Knights of Ren could manipulate the Force and no matter how weak their connection to it was, it would not do to let her guard down.

Rey felt the Falcon touch down on the sandy surface of Atollon and took a deep breath. Finn came into sight as the boarding ramp lowered and revealed the dusky sand. The harsh sun glinted off the metal door as Rey approached it and the heat from outdoors began to fill the main hold. Finn, Poe, BB-8, and Chewie joined the group and they started walking towards the town.

************

The group didn’t come across a lead until the fourth town they encountered. One of the town’s inhabitants, a twi'lek, had recently come back from a trade excursion to the nearby settlement of Benduna and had seen a human-looking creature dressed in all black, including a mask, on his way back.

The group rushed to the Falcon after quickly thanking their informant, bolstered by their first lead of the day. As they approached the settlement that the Knight was allegedly at, Rey felt a twinge in the Force. It was subtle but unignorable, especially after the silence she had felt from the Force as of late. A small part of Rey hoped that it was Ben reaching out but logic told her that she would have felt his presence much more strongly. More likely it came from being close to one of the Force-sensitive Knights of Ren.  _ Here we go. _

“We’re in the right place,” Rey informed Poe as he began to land the Falcon a short distance from the town.

Poe’s eyebrows furrowed. “How do you know? Is it a Force thing?”

“I can just feel it,” Rey replied and to her relief, Poe didn’t question her further. She wasn’t in the mood to answer questions about the complex nature of the Force and her connection with it.

As the ship’s landing gears made contact with the sandy surface of the planet, Rey felt another small tug. One of the Knights of Ren was definitely in that town. Rey’s fingertips tingled in anticipation for the fight that was sure to come and she could feel her heart rate slow as she took deep breaths. The boarding ramp lowered and the group filed out of the Falcon, heading towards the settlement.

Poe and Finn spoke quietly to each other as the bunch approached the town but Rey tuned them out. It slowly came to her attention that she couldn’t hear anything but the words being shared between her friends. She threw out her arm.

“Shhhh,” Rey whispered, eyes wide. “Listen.”

Finn and Poe both cupped their ears and strained to make out a sound but they couldn’t. “I don’t hear anything,” Poe whispered.

“Exactly. Even a small town like this should be emitting  _ some _ noise.”

“Maybe they’re all really quiet,” Finn suggested but even as he said it he knew the odds of that were pretty slim.

Rey gave Finn a look. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Rey led the group in a stealthy approach to the town. Her stomach knotted itself tighter as they got closer and it became more apparent that the settlement was devoid of citizens. Either the town had been deserted or … Rey didn’t even want to contemplate the alternative.

When they reached the first home, Rey peered inside. There were no signs of struggle in the crude house and all of the belongings were there. That didn’t bode well for the option of the town being deserted by its inhabitants. If they had left they would most likely have taken some of their valuable belongings with them. Rey could feel the blood pounding in her ears as she turned to the group and motioned for them to follow her.

It wasn’t until they reached the fifth house that the group found any proof to validate their bad feelings. Huddled inside the small shelter were about thirty people, all shaking with wide eyes. Rey could see a few small children, one in the arms of their parent and the others sitting on the floor together.  _ Poor kids.  _ She shakily turned to Poe, trying to communicate the situation to him wordlessly. Her face must have displayed the gravity of the situation because Poe’s grip on his blaster tightened and he nodded at her in assurance that the message had gotten across.

Slowly Rey approached the door. She hadn’t seen anyone that seemed responsible for the terror in the eyes of the congregation behind the door but that didn’t mean that someone wasn’t lurking, waiting for an unlucky victim to fall into their trap. She reached out and gripped the handle ignoring the tremor that shot through her hand at the feel of the hot metal on her skin. Rey turned it and swung the door open, lightsaber at the ready. If the group had been scared before, they were terrified now. They all pressed towards the corner of the building, getting as far away from her as possible.

“I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” Rey extinguished her lightsaber to drive the point home, clipping it back onto her belt. “I need one of you to tell me what happened here.”

All of the captives looked frantically at one another, willing someone else to take the responsibility of enlightening the Jedi of their predicament. To Rey’s surprise it was one of the children that stepped forward.  _ Well, _ Rey thought,  _ she’s not really a child.  _ The girl seemed like she was in her early teens, maybe fourteen years old.

“That  _ thing _ came to our town,” the girl spat the words with distaste. “A Knight of Ren. They started banging on doors, demanding to see Tano, our old village elder. He was a peculiar old man, or so I’ve been told. He died the year I was born so I don’t have any personal memory of him. The rumor was that he had some connection with the Force. I guess the Knight didn’t like that he was dead because they rounded us all up here and started asking about Tano’s house. We told that slimy creature that he lived beyond the dune to the south and she took off, but not before making it clear that anyone who left the house wouldn’t live to see another day. None of us wanted to risk it.”

Rey nodded grimly, biting lightly on her tongue as she contemplated their next move. “I’m sorry this happened. How long ago did the Knight leave?” Rey scanned the room looking for injuries but the most serious ones she saw were a shallow cut and a nasty bruise.  _ Odd. _

“Probably two hours ago. Maybe more I can’t be sure.”

Rey nodded again, thanking the girl before turning back to her team who had remained silent throughout the exchange. “We need to get over to the southern dune. I don’t expect any problems here but Chewie, stay and guard this house. Finn and Poe, you’re with me.” Everyone nodded their assent.

Rey turned back to the girl briefly. “Thank you for your help. I’ll be back soon and then you’ll all be safe to leave here.” She exited the hut.  _ I hope. _

************

By the time Rey, Finn, and Poe, trailed by BB-8, crested the large dune and spotted a crude hut, she had worked up quite a sweat. Rey’s time on Jakku had made her accustomed to the harsh rays of the sun but since joining the Resistance she had lost some of that resilience. She could feel the sun tanning her skin and when she turned to look at Poe his nose was turning pink.

“That has to be it.” Finn pointed at the small structure at the bottom of the sandy valley.

Rey nodded in agreement. She had a sudden memory of sliding down a dune just like the one they were perched upon, wondering how many portions she would get from the parts she had scavenged. It had probably been a half portion or less. Rey jolted back to the present, ignoring the quizzical looks she was getting from Finn and Poe.  _ Focus Rey. What is with you today? _

“Let’s go.” Rey began descending the dune, not bothering to look back to see if her friends were following her. The hot sand was slowly burning through the soles of her shoes and making her feet hot as she trudged along. They were almost there and if they encountered a Knight of Ren, her hot feet would be the least of her problems.

Rey slowed as they approached the hut, hearing the footsteps of her companions taper out behind her. She strained to hear any sounds coming from the hut but all she detected was silence. Rey also reached out with the Force but the presence she had felt since landing was still the same intensity. Either there was nobody in the hut or they were working hard to make it seem that way. The group crept up to the door and Rey slowly pushed it open, the plank of wood creaking with disuse. Rey cringed at the sound, stepping into the hut.

The house, if it could be called that, had been completely torn apart. Book pages littered the floor and all of the drawers had been ripped open. The small mattress had been cut down the center and its stuffing had been removed. The carpet had been pushed aside to reveal a small hatch that was thrown open. It contained some expired provisions and a few glass bottles of water but nothing else. Finn and Poe moved past her and stared at the state of disrepair with wide eyes.

“It seems that the Knight of Ren was here. And they were looking for something.”

“How perceptive of you, Jedi.” A muffled voice came from behind Rey and she turned to face the owner. The person, most likely a woman based on their build, was dressed in a floor-length cloak and a mask that bore a subtle resemblance to that of .. _.him _ .  _ That attire can not possibly be practical _ Rey thought and then scolded herself.  _ Focus. _ Rey watched in something akin to fascination as the figure pulled out a grey rod that quickly turned to a staff with a ball of electricity on either end. An electrostaff.

Finn and Poe seemed to come to themselves suddenly, getting over the initial shock of seeing the Knight and both shot their blasters multiple times. The cloaked woman deflected them easily, twirling her staff with practiced dexterity. Rey slipped her hand into her cloak and unclipped her lightsaber, eyes trained on her opponent who was blocking blaster shots with ease. She activated her lightsaber and quickly slashed at the figure in a downward arc. There was a quick flash of surprise in the Knight’s eyes, as if she’d forgotten that Rey was there but she blocked the incoming blow easily.

The masked woman slowly backed out of the door, blocking the fire from both Finn and Poe while simultaneously parrying Rey’s blows. Rey noticed that she did not take the offensive at all but passed it off as being because of the heavy fire she was under.  _ Why isn’t she attacking me? _ Once she was clear of the door, the woman turned her back to Rey and took off towards the large dune, probably realizing she was outnumbered. Finn and Poe fired after her but their shots were deflected by an invisible shield. The Force.

Rey was hot on her tail but couldn’t get close enough to land a blow.  _ How can she run that fast in that long cloak and helmet? _ Even in her climate-appropriate attire Rey was burning up. Her lungs ached as her feet carried her up the large dune, struggling to get traction on the crumbly sand. When they crested the hill and the Knight began the descent down the other side Rey realized what she was doing. If the Knight got to the town she would have cover and she could potentially take a hostage. Rey couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Chewie,” Rey rasped into her comm-link, struggling to get air into her lungs as she continued her pursuit of the Knight. “The Knight is coming to the town. You need to cut her off. We’re coming from the south.” Rey heard confirmation over the line.

The two were approaching the town at a quick rate. Rey assumed Finn and Poe were behind her but did not risk a look behind her for fear that it would slow her down. The closer they got, the more Rey began to worry that Chewie wouldn’t be there to cut off the Knight.  _ Come on Chewie.  _ It was when the cloaked Knight was about to clear the first building and enter the town that she stopped, skidding to a halt. Rey quickly closed the distance between them, lightsaber raised. Rey could see Chewie, bowcaster raised, a little way down the path and she could tell when Poe and Finn came to a stop behind her by their heavy pants. All three had their weapons raised at the Knight, ready to fire at a moment’s notice. The woman spun in a slow circle, realizing she was surrounded.

“Put your hands up,” Rey growled. “Drop your weapons.” The Knight dropped her electrostaff as Rey approached slowly. “I know you have more weapons than just that.”

The Knight slowly moved her hand to her belt, unclipping a lightsaber and dropping it to the ground. Then, she kneeled and pulled two small knives out of each boot. Satisfied, Rey told Poe to pat the prisoner down and take her to the ship with Finn. Rey went in search of the house where the captives were being held to tell them they could go back to their lives without fear.  _ Thank R’iia I don’t have to break my promise. _

************

Their captive was a silent prisoner. She didn’t speak the whole time they traveled back to base. She also didn’t remove her helmet or cloak even though Rey knew the attire must have been uncomfortable. Maybe the Knight had gotten used to it.

  
Rey studied the woman. Her back was ramrod straight and her hands were in her lap. She didn’t even fiddle with her thick gloves. When Rey reached out and probed with the Force all she felt were solid walls around the Knight’s mind. She must have had extensive training with the Force which made sense.  _ Not just anyone can become a Knight of Ren. At least I don’t think so. _ The Resistance didn’t know much about the group and Rey, oddly enough, hadn’t encountered one before now. All Rey really knew was that they dressed like Ben, or more like Kylo Ren, and they answered to him as well.

Rey approached the prisoner as the ship began landing back at the Maridun base. She had been cuffed by Poe or Finn and she had been divested of her weapons so there was no real reason to be worried but Rey was careful all the same. She kept a hand on her lightsaber, ready to activate it if the need came. 

It didn’t. The Knight complied wordlessly when Rey ordered her to stand and depart from the ship. Rey hadn’t heard her speak since she had alerted the group to her presence in the shack back on Atollon. Not for the first time, Rey wondered why the cloaked woman hadn’t just stabbed her in the back when she’d had the chance.  _ It would have saved her a lot of trouble. _

Rey led the prisoner down the long halls of the base towards the cells at the end, Finn in tow. The symbol of the Separatists was peeling on the walls but broke up the monotony of the otherwise grey hallway. At one point, the base had been utilized by the Separatists to test weapons during the Clone Wars. Now it would be a sanctuary for the Resistance.

The group, which had been joined by many more Resistance soldiers as they approached the cell block, had just turned the corner when their prisoner promptly collapsed backward towards Rey. 

************

Kylo Ren was pacing his room when he felt it. There was a disturbance in the Force and Ren immediately knew he was being contacted by one of his Knights.  _ It's probably Trinith reaching out to tell me something inconsequential again.  _ This was not an uncommon occurrence. However, when Ren solidified the connection, it was not amusement he felt on the other side, but fear. He immediately stiffened, focusing on opening the connection. There were a few moments of terse silence before Kylo felt any kind of communication.

_ Kylo, _ Ren heard faintly in his head, the tone pleading.

_ Velusia, what happened? _ Kylo had sent her to Atollon the day before to search for Healing Crystals of Fire. The mission was supposed to be relatively safe but clearly something had gone wrong. Anxiety stirred in his stomach and his heart rate quickened as he awaited a reply.

_ Meridun. Separatist base. The Jedi.  _ That was all Ren heard before the connection went out.  _ Meridun.  _ Meridun was far from where the First Order Fleet had been sitting for a while now. No wonder the line had gone dead. Even with a strong bond like theirs, contacting him from that far would be extremely taxing. A wave of relief went through him and Kylo realized when the connection dropped he had assumed the worst.  _ Surely if one of my Knights died I would feel it, right? _ The thought didn’t sway Ren’s fears.

Kylo’s heart rate quickened against his will when he processed the rest of Velusia’s brief communication.  _ Rey.  _ Whatever Velusia was dealing with involved Rey.  _ She’s okay, _ he told himself.  _ She has to be. _

  
Kylo sent out a communication to the rest of his Knights.  _ Everyone? We have a problem. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hoped you enjoyed the chapter! Please let me know if there are any errors in the writing and I will definitely go back and fix them. How do you feel about this chapter length? Please leave kudos and comment!
> 
> Here are some Star Wars terms that I researched to write this chapter in case you’re confused:  
> Lothal Sector: A sector located in the Outer Rim containing the Atollon, Garel, and Lothal systems.  
> Atollon: A planet in the Lothal Sector covered mostly by desert and canyons.  
> Maridun: A planet mostly covered by plains located in the Rolion sector of the Outer Rim.  
> Benduna: Not a canon town, I named it after Bendu who was a powerful being that could manipulate the Force and resided on Atollon.  
> Twi’lek: A near-human being that can be a range of colors with long appendages that protrude from their skulls. They are not native to Atollon but many migrated there.  
> Tano: Named after the Jedi Ahsoka Tano who spent some time on Atollon (but this character is not Tano in any way I just stole the name :).  
> Electrostaff: Generally used by MagnaGuards during the Clone Wars. It’s basically a metal staff with purple lightning/electricity on each end.  
> Bowcaster: Most famously Chewbacca’s weapon. Looks like a crossbow but fires lasers.  
> R’iia: A deity worshiped by the Teedo creatures of Jakku. I took the liberty of making Rey at least slightly aligned with this deity.  
> Separatists: Also known as the Confederacy of Independent Systems (CIS) and led by Count Dooku. The CIS fought the Republic in the Clone Wars and had a weapon test base on Maridun.  
> Jedi Healing Crystals of Fire: Crystals that aid with Force healing and were once one of the greatest Jedi Order treasures. I am modifying them for my use, mostly by pretending they were not destroyed.
> 
> *The names of all the Knights of Ren are taken from various star systems around the galaxy*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!  
> Sorry this is up so late; a tropical storm passed through today and I lost power. I still don’t have power but I’m uploading from my phone.  
> I hope you guys like the chapter and I would really appreciate kudos and/or comments!

Almost a full day passed before the prisoner woke.

A med droid had examined her shortly after the collapse and claimed that the cause was exhaustion. Rey thought this was odd - the Knight hadn’t been showing signs of fatigue on the ship or the walk to the prison cells - but she didn’t comment.

Rey had periodically checked in on the prisoner in between meetings and small moments of peace where she tried to grab a few hours of sleep. She had forcefully denied any suggestions that she infiltrate the Knight’s mind using the Force and proposed that they start by just asking the woman questions before resorting to other methods. A few officers had grumbled but nobody outright protested. Rey took that as a win.

Rey had just settled down to catch a few more hours of sleep when her comm-link had activated.

“The prisoner is awake,” the officer on the other side of the line informed her.

“Thank you. I will be right there,” Rey replied, shoving her feet into her boots.  _ Good thing I didn’t bother getting undressed _ , she mused as she pressed the button to open the door to her quarters and entered the narrow hallway. 

The lights flickered above her, casting eerie, pulsing shadows on the walls as she walked to the cell block. The ominous atmosphere felt like a bad omen. Rey tried to push the thought down as she approached the guards stationed at the entrance to the cells.  _ Here goes nothing _ .

************

Kylo waited impatiently for six hours as his Knights answered his call. His fingers drummed on the durasteel table, and he occasionally stood and paced the length of the conference room. It was a wonder he hadn’t tread a hole in the duralloy floor by the time the last Knight showed up. Well the last Knight besides Velusia, who was obviously preoccupied, and Mirial, who was on a mission for Kylo.

Not even the company of the people he tolerated most in the universe (Kylo would never admit to being fond of them) could calm him. They had learned that it was best to leave him alone when he was in an anxious mood many years before, especially after being on the receiving end of many unwarranted scathing remarks.

“Thank you all for showing up in a timely manner,” Kylo said, turning to face Trinith who had arrived last and raising an eyebrow. “You weren’t even a star system away.”

“I’m not sure what you’re implying, my lord, but I assure you I came as quickly as I could. It’s not my fault I got hungry and had to take a detour.”

_ Why do I let him get away with this insolence?  _ The corner of Kylo’s lips turned up in amusement before he remembered the reasoning behind the impromptu meeting. He immediately sobered.

“Let me get straight to the point of this meeting. Velusia contacted me through the Force a few hours ago from Meridun. Her words were brief but I have reason to believe she is in trouble.”

Kylo scanned the room from his standing position behind his chair. Huru’s knuckles were white as she gripped her bow. The weapon was a bit unconventional, especially because the Knight rarely used the blaster setting in favor of arrows. If she weren’t so effective with it Ren may have forced her to choose a different weapon long ago.

“I felt distress from someone but it was gone so quickly that I assumed it was nothing. I shouldn’t have written it off so easily.” 

Zaddja Ren was a small creature. She wasn’t the shortest Knight - that position was reserved for Huru - but her shy demeanor made her seem smaller than she was. While Huru emitted loud, ferocious energy, Zaddja exuded peace and quiet. She was the exact opposite of Kylo and yet, she was the one that he felt closest to. Despite her timid nature, her fighting skills were exemplary and she was easily an even match for all the other Knights, if not better.

“You couldn’t have known and I called as soon as I heard anyways. All she could get across were the words Meridun, Separatist base, and the Jedi so I believe she has had an encounter with the Resistance. If this is true, we need to extract her as soon as possible. I know she wouldn’t willingly betray any information but R-, the Jedi,” Kylo amended, “is very skilled with the Force. She could pry out valuable information that we can’t afford to have in the hands of the Resistance.”

Kylo’s hands grabbed the back of his chair and he leaned forward slightly as he looked to Aldorus. “If we get into the atmosphere of Maridun do you think you could track her?” Kylo asked. 

Every Knight had some aspect of the Force that they were especially powerful with. Other than that, they could perform standard telekinesis and not much else. Aldorus’s tracking was stronger than even Kylo’s and it had proved useful many times before.

Aldorus crossed his muscular arms and chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating. “I should be able to as long as she’s lucid, which I assume is not the case right now considering how far away she was when she contacted you.” Aldorus was perceptive, Kylo would give him that.

“Correct. I haven’t felt her Force signature since she contacted me.”

Zaddja’s jaw clenched at that and she started to twist her blonde hair around her pointer finger. Kylo recognized it as her most common nervous tick and scrunched his eyebrows.  _ She’s just worried about Velusia. We all are. _

“Okay. Once Aldorus tracks her down we’re going to need to get her out. Based on the number of pods that escaped to Crait a few weeks ago, the Resistance is painfully low on numbers. The only real problem is R-, the Jedi.”  _ Kriffing hell. I need to stop stumbling over that _ .

“You know you could just call her Rey, sir. We’re all aware you’re fond of her.” Trinith cracked a smile. “There’s no point in trying to hide it.”

Kylo could feel the tips of his ears turning red and he was suddenly grateful for his long hair which was hiding the evidence of his embarrassment. From the quirk of Zaddja’s lips, Ren suspected she had picked up on his mortification.  _ Blast her and her emotion-reading ability _ .

“I am not  _ fond _ of her. She is my enemy,” Kylo growled and Trinith put his hands up in mock surrender, violet eyes flashing in amusement.

The Knights exchanged knowing looks.

“This is not important right now. One of our own is missing and you’re joking about inconsequential things.” Kylo’s entire being protested calling Rey an ‘inconsequential thing’ but his face didn’t show it. His jaw was clenched as his eyes surveyed the group.

Trinith looked thoroughly chastised.

“As I was saying, we should be able to infiltrate their base fairly easily, assuming we can find it. I want all weapons set to stun - yes Aldorus that means no throwing knives - unless it is absolutely necessary that you do otherwise. Is that clear?”

“Sir, why exactly aren’t we taking this chance to get rid of the Resistance once and for all? If they’re really that low on numbers we could easily wipe them out on this mission.” Zaddja’s wide eyes pinned him in place as she asked, as though she could see his selfish reasons for leaving the Resistance intact.  _ Maybe she can,  _ Kylo thought.  _ After all, she can read emotions easily. _

“Our priority is retrieving Veluisa, not taking down the Resistance. I don’t have to justify my motives to you.” Kylo could see that he was being unfairly cruel but he himself wasn’t exactly sure why he wasn’t jumping at the chance to take down the pesky Resistance.  _ Yes you do. You know if you destroy the Resistance she will never speak to you again,  _ his mind supplied helpfully.  _ Shut up. _

“We have the Force and they do not. This mission should be relatively easy and we should be in and out within a half-hour. It’s going to take a bit to get to Maridun, even at hyperspeed, so suit up.” Kylo scanned the table and realized the Knights were all already dressed in their various modified versions of his own garb. Their helmets sat next to them on the table, removed only in the presence of the other Knights. “On second thought, you all look ready. Let’s go.”

************

Rey entered the dank cell, glancing at Leia and the two other Resistance captains that were already there. They had been waiting on her. She cleared her throat awkwardly and turned to look at the prisoner.

“We will start by removing your mask. You can do it yourself or I will take it off forcefully. Which will it be?” The Knight’s head raised to look at Rey as she spoke.

“Jedi scum,” the Knight spat, the words garbled by her mask. “You do not deserve the honor of seeing my face, much less taking off my mask but seeing how you have me handcuffed,” she rattled the cuffs pointedly, “I do not see how I could possibly remove my own mask.”

Rey flushed, embarrassed by her oversight, and moved forward to stand in front of the Knight. She moved her hands towards either side of the mask tentatively, as if they would bite her. Her hands finally rested on the cool metal and she pressed the two small buttons that released the mask, pulling it up and off the Knight’s head. As the Knight’s mask was removed from her face she spit at Rey, the glob of saliva landing on her shoulder.

Rey stepped back in shock, her hand coming up to wipe at the wet spot on her shoulder. She heard the guards behind her step closer but she waved them off and turned to Leia who merely raised an eyebrow.  _ Very helpful. _

Rey studied the woman in front of her. Her brown hair was cropped short and her green eyes were piercing as she glared at Rey. Even in her kneeling position, Rey could tell the woman was much taller than her. More built too.

She looked to the other captains to see if either of them were going to start the interrogation but they pointedly avoided her stare.  _ I guess it’s up to me. Great. _

Rey cleared her throat. “We will start with an easy one. What is your name?”

To Rey’s surprise, the Knight laughed. It was a cold, bitter sound.

“You are the first person outside the Knights to see me without my mask on and the second person besides myself to ever relieve me of it and you believe I am going to tell you my  _ name _ ?” Her voice was incredulous and Rey could see the barely restrained fury behind the Knight’s eyes.  _ Best not to push her over the edge. _

“Fine. What were you doing on Atollon?” Rey asked, meeting the woman’s glare.  _ That’s less personal at least. _

The Knight considered before answering. “I was on a mission for my master,” she replied, purposely vague, and Rey suppressed the urge to slap her.

_ What an insufferable bitch.  _ “Kylo Ren?” Rey clarified instead, her heart stuttering at the name against her will.

“No, Jabba the Hutt. Of course Kylo Ren! Everyone in the galaxy knows that. Maybe you’re not as perceptive as I originally thought,” the Knight referenced the words she had spoken in the small hut back on Atollon.

That reminded her. “Why didn’t you actually try to hurt me when we fought? You deflected my blows but never administered any of your own.” Leia looked at Rey in surprise. She hadn’t divulged that detail in her report.

“Well I was a little busy blocking blaster shots from your friends,” she retorted. “But if you must know, my master instructed me not to.”

Rey’s brow crinkled.  _ Why would he tell her not to hurt me? _ A traitorous part of her suggested that maybe he just didn’t want to see her get hurt, that he cared for her, but the logical part told her there was another reason, an ulterior motive.  _ Get a grip Rey. If he cared for you he would have joined you in the throne room. _ Even as she thought it the traitorous part interjected again.  _ You care for him and you didn’t join him when  _ he  _ offered.  _ Rey shook her head, clearing the thoughts.  _ I don’t care what he thinks of me, not anymore. _

Still, she could not refrain from asking for clarification. “Why?” Rey asked simply, hoping the word didn’t give away her inner thoughts.

“Beats me. If it were up to me you’d already be dead. I would have run you through as soon as I stepped into that hut. His fondness for you is the only reason you’re alive.”

Her words only made Rey feel more unsteady.  _ Fondness?  _ She wanted to ask the Knight to elucidate what she meant but now was not the time. Instead, she guided the conversation in a different direction. “Where is the First Order fleet right now?” Rey asked, feeling more comfortable with that topic.

“I don’t know. Believe me, if I did I would tell you. There is no love lost between me and the First Order.”

Rey’s eyebrow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about? You serve the First Order.”

“I serve Kylo Ren. It’s not the same thing.”

That only served to make Rey more confused.  _ What is the kriff is the deal with these Knights? _ Rey hummed.

“If you don’t know where the fleet is, how were you going to get back after you completed your mission?” This was turning into less of an interrogation and more of a way for Rey to satiate her curiosity about the illusive Knights of Ren.

“I have something called a comm-link. I’m sure you’ve heard of them.” The Knight’s words dripped sarcasm and she smirked up at Rey.

Rey’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment for the second time since entering the cell. She opened her mouth to try and scramble for a reply but Leia stepped forward. The Knight’s face changed from amusement to disdain and she sneered at the general.

_ She knows.  _ Rey realized, certain she was right but not sure how she knew.  _ Ben told her who his mother is. Exactly how close is he with these Knights?  _ Rey had assumed that the Knights went on missions for him and protected him. She was not expecting them to know personal information about him.

Rey just stood back, content to let Leia take the reins for the remainder of the interrogation and leave her to contemplate what she had learned.

************

Kylo Ren glanced out the transparisteel window as the ship entered Maridun’s atmosphere and did a double-take. The planet was drenched in green; there weren’t even patches of desiccated dirt to mar the landscape. It looked as though the planet had been dipped in a can of green paint. Only slightly darker green patches of foliage broke up the grassy color, giving the planet a monochromatic feel.

“Shall I land, sir, or should we hover while Aldorus works his magic.” Kylo was shaken from his stupor by Trinith’s words. The man had refrained from any jokes after the meeting and Kylo was glad he was at least partially back to his old sarcastic self.  _ Not that I’d ever admit it out loud. _

“Just hover. Hopefully this will be quick.” Kylo turned to Aldorus. “Ready?”

Aldorus nodded, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Kylo looked on as the Knight centered himself and reached out with the Force, searching for Velusia’s Force signature. When he locked onto it, noting that she must be conscious, he focused on pinning down her location and allowing himself to be drawn towards her.

He had almost pinned her location down when he lost the connection. Growling out a curse, Aldorus centered himself again and repeated the process. This time he had more luck. Once he had her location pinned in his mind, he opened his eyes and walked to the cockpit of the command shuttle

“Head southeast,” Aldorus instructed firmly. Trinith didn’t hesitate, angling the ship in the right direction and engaging the thrusters.

Kylo watched the landscape pass, trusting his Knights to do their jobs. Trinith was an excellent pilot and Aldorus knew what he was doing. It had taken numerous years for Kylo to get comfortable trusting them but he had gotten there eventually.

He hadn’t realized that he had zoned out until he felt a pull in the Force, dragging him back to reality.  _ She’s close _ , Ben thought, heart pounding in his chest. The two hadn’t been close enough for Kylo to have felt her presence since he had asked her to join him in the throne room. He still resented her for not taking his hand, but the feeling had dulled with every moment they spent apart. It came back full force now that he remembered how it felt to be in her presence: warm, content, at peace.  _ It could have been like this every single day. _

Kylo could feel anger simmering in his gut and he clenched his gloved hands at his sides.  _ Focus on the mission. She’s just a girl and she’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with you. _

He put on his mask.

************

Rey felt him before the alarm rang, notifying everyone to evacuate.

_ Ben’s here,  _ she thought stupidly, trying to wrap her head around the fact. His presence wrapped her in a tight embrace even though she couldn't see him. A moment later, she realized the implications of his presence.  _ Shit, Ben’s here! _

She had just gone to find Leia when the siren had started blaring, echoing through the concrete corridors of the base. The sound spurred her to move faster and she almost ran head-first into Leia as she rounded a corner near the general’s quarters.

“Ben’s here.” The words came out in a rush and ended up sounding like one syllable. It was all her brain had been able to say since she had felt him through the Force.

Rey could tell that General Leia was trying to keep a straight face, but a hint of apprehension and her ever-present hope shined through her stoic exterior.

“Our radars picked up the signal of a ship coming in a few minutes ago. It’s only one ship but we can’t afford any losses right now. If my son is on it we need to leave now.” 

“Leia, I can feel him getting closer. We don’t have enough time to get everyone out.” Rey looked at all the fighters running by, frantically preparing everything to evacuate.

The base wasn’t very secure and Rey wasn’t even sure that the door could hold up to a lightsaber. The Resistance hadn’t planned on having to defend an attack in the base because of the remote location.  _ How did he find us? _

“Well we have to try.”

Rey nodded to her. “Get on a transport. We can’t afford any losses, but most of all we can’t afford to lose you. I’m going to find Finn and help get everyone to the ships.”

Leia looked ready to protest but for once agreed with Rey. Rey sighed in relief. She thought convincing Leia to sit tight was going to be harder. Maybe the thought of having to face her son was enough to make her lay low.

With every frantic step she took searching for Finn, Rey could feel  _ him _ getting closer. It was completely disconcerting as well as disorienting. She turned a corner and saw a flash of a black cape at an intersection in the hallway. Her heart quickened and she rushed down the corridor without a second thought.

She turned down another hallway so she could run parallel to him without having to trail him, unclipping her lightsaber and igniting it as she ran. When she came to another intersection, she waited for him to pass. When she saw his telltale mask, she almost gasped. She had forgotten how imposing he looked, even without his lightsaber ignited.  _ That’s odd. _

Four similarly-dressed figures of varying heights followed in his wake. One was almost the size of Ben himself, but the others were around Rey’s height.  _ The Knights of Ren _ , Rey realized with a start.  _ How many are there? _

Once the group had passed, Rey broke into almost a full run, taking care that her boots didn’t make loud sounds on the concrete floor. She skidded to a stop at the intersection before the cell block and waited for him to come to her.

************

The sensation of being close to Rey was almost stifling.  _ She’s in here, _ he thought as he took purposeful steps, guided by Aldorus, towards the cell block.  _ I could see her. _ The realization was startling and he almost stumbled.

  
Kylo took one more turn and suddenly he could see Velusia, mask off, in her cell. Anger ripped through him when he saw that she had been unmasked and he growled low in his throat, the sound muffled by his mask. His stride lengthened as he took steps towards the cell and he almost stumbled when something - no, someone - stepped in front of him, lightsaber drawn.  _ Rey. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durasteel and Duralloy: Metals used in the building of ships.  
> Transparisteel: Blaster-proof material that windows are made out of on starfighters.
> 
> I hope you all liked it! I am motivated to write faster by comments and kudos. I plan to update again in a week (next Tuesday)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm uploading so late in the night again! I finally got power back a few days ago but it was out for 6 days and I couldn't really write in that time because my computer was dead and I had no way to charge it. I hope you like the chapter, even though it is on the shorter side this week. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and really keep me going!

Kylo had just registered the appearance of Rey when a glint of metal soared past his cheek and embedded itself in Rey’s shoulder. She gasped and staggered backwards, tripping and sliding down against the wall, before Kylo could process what had happened.

“Noooo!” He heard himself yell as he fell to his knees beside Rey. Logically he knew that the injury was not very serious as long as she had medical attention, but all logic was thrown out the window the moment he saw the blood staining her white robes.  _ She has to be okay. She has to be okay. _ The words repeated in his head like a mantra. The Knights behind him looked on in alarm.

“Ben, I’m fine. Ben!” He could hear Rey talking but he didn’t acknowledge it, instead placing his hand over the wound.

“This is going to hurt,” he said, barely giving her any time to process the words before pulling out the knife. Rey winced and took in a short breath but did not move to stop him. In fact, she was looking up at him with rapt attention, her brown eyes wide.

Kylo closed his eyes, resting his hand on the wound once again and calling on the Force. It always felt ironic to him that healing was his Force specialty, especially considering all of the pain he had inflicted in his lifetime. Kylo felt the Force gather around him, bolstered by Rey’s presence. Under the slick blood he could feel the muscle knotting back together followed by the skin closing up.

When Kylo opened his eyes, Rey was staring at him in disbelief. “Ben,” she said breathlessly. She was so close that he could have counted her freckles if he had the time. Unfortunately, he didn’t, a fact he was painfully reminded of when he saw Velusia in her cell.

“I’m sorry,” he said and Rey opened her mouth to speak. Before she could get the words out, she fell limp in his arms and he stood, carrying her to the corridor intersection and propping her against the wall.  _ Someone will find her here. _

He turned to his Knights, who were staring at him as if he had grown a second head. He bent to pick up the small throwing knife that had been in Rey’s shoulder and placed it harshly in Aldorus’s hand. The man gulped sharply but Kylo merely brushed past him and walked towards the cell housing Velusia.  _ I’ll deal with him later. _

Kylo pulled out his lightsaber and ignited it, cutting through the bars of the cell easily. They obviously hadn’t been designed to withstand a lightsaber. Velusia’s eyes were trained on him as he removed her gag and cut her out of the restraints.

She rubbed her wrist. “Nice of you to show up,” Velusia joked.

Kylo opened his mouth to reply when Zaddja barreled past him, wrapping Velusia in a tight embrace. The taller woman stiffened but brought her arms up around the blonde Knight nonetheless.

Kylo picked up Velusia’s helmet and handed it to her once she was free of Zaddja’s fierce embrace. She pulled it over her head and let out a muffled sigh of relief when it clicked into place. She then turned to Aldorus and Trinith and nodded at them in acknowledgement. The Knights seemed satisfied with that greeting.

“Any chance you know where they stashed your weapons?” Kylo inquired.

Velusia shook her head and Kylo sighed. He started to walk back down the corridor they had come from. He paused for a moment in front of Rey, studying her face. Her eyelashes rested on her cheekbones and a piece of stray hair blew away from her face with every puff of air that escaped her mouth before settling against her skin. He itched to push the piece of hair behind her ear.  _ She looks so peaceful. _

He had to tear his gaze away and force himself to continue down the hallway, resisting the urge to glance back at her prone form. Kylo stiffened when he heard two voices only a corridor away, and he tucked himself in a dark hollow in the wall, his Knights taking the hint and doing the same.

As the two men approached, Kylo held up the small blaster he had brought and peeked out from the hollow he was in. He shot one of the men neatly in the shoulder, stunning him, and then grabbed the other one, pressing the gun to the man’s temple. He made a show of flicking the blaster out of stun mode.

“Take me to where the hostage weapons are kept and I won’t blow your brains out.” Kylo’s mask made him sound exceedingly menacing and the man trembled in his grasp as he nodded.

“T-this way.” The man began walking and Kylo motioned for the Knights to follow him once again. They materialized from the shadows and fell into step behind him.

Kylo kept his ears out for any sounds indicating an incoming soldier but heard nothing.  _ Either there are even less of them than I thought or they’re evacuating.  _ After a series of turns, the group came to a door.

“Here i-it is.” Kylo handed off the prisoner to Aldorus and pushed a button on the control panel next to the door. To his surprise, the door slid open. 

Kylo nodded to Trinith and the man understood his intentions. The Knight stepped forward. “You will return to your post and you will not tell anyone what happened or that we were here.”

Kylo knew Trinith could have imposed his influence on the soldier without speaking. He was extremely talented with Jedi mind control and had honed his skill to the point that he could dominate his subject’s mind without verbalizing his intentions. 

Kylo stepped into the small, dark room. The ceiling was low enough that Kylo had to stoop once he had entered the room to avoid hitting his head. He glanced around the room quickly and started opening each of the drawers, searching for Velusia’s electrostaff and lightsaber.

After slamming many drawers, Kylo came to one that was locked.  _ They must be in here. _ Kylo called out to the Force and manipulated it, hearing the telltale click of the lock opening. He opened his eyes and pulled on the drawer handle. The gleam of metal met Kylo’s eyes as the drawer’s contents were revealed. Kylo breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed the weapons, throwing them to Velusia one at a time. She caught them deftly.

“Let’s get out of here,” Kylo said, leaving the small room and straightening back to his full height. The lights flickered overhead and Kylo craned his neck to look at them. “This place gives me the creeps.”

The departure went by without a hitch. The group only had to stun a handful of other soldiers as they left out the front door. The easily executed mission was a testament to the Resistance’s pitiful state and Kylo once again saw that Rey’s talents were being wasted.  _ She made her choice _ , Kylo reminded himself, but it was hard to be angry at her when visions of blood seeping into her robes haunted him.

************

Rey woke up with a gasp, a sharp pain prodding behind her eyes. Her hand flew to her shoulder, where a knife had been embedded not long before. All she felt was smooth skin and blood-crusted robes.

Rey looked around, squinting at the bright lights illuminating the room she was in. A medbay, she realized with a jolt.  _ How did I get here? _

The memory came back in flashes. The sharp pain of the knife, Ben’s haunting yell, him healing her, his apology, and then … nothing.  _ He knocked me out!  _ Rey thought indignantly, but she couldn’t find it in her to be angry. He had healed her, after all, and while she wouldn’t have died from the wound on her shoulder, she appreciated it.

Rey began to recall the more vivid details. The horror before the knife sunk into her flesh, Ben’s anguished look as he pulled the knife from her shoulder, the sincerity of his apology.  _ It should be easy to hate him after everything he’s done but somehow he makes it so damn hard. _

Rey’s musings were interrupted by the door of the medbay sliding open, revealing Leia in a long white dress. It draped over her shoulders and all the way down to her feet, giving her a regal appearance.

“Ah, you’re up! Good.”

Rey squinted at her, headache coming back in full force. “How long was I out?” Rey had a moment of panic at the realization that she had no idea how long it had been since Ben had knocked her out.

“Only a few hours. We’re on course for Felucia currently. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine except for this raging headache I have.” As the words left Rey’s mouth she realized she was telling the truth; she  _ was _ fine.  _ Because of Ben,  _ her mind added traitorously.

“I’ll have a med-droid come in and give you something for that,” Leia paused. “Rey…what happened in there?” She asked delicately.

Rey took a deep breath. “When I left you I went to look for Finn but I saw a glimpse of B…of  _ his _ cloak so I followed him and cut him off in front of the cell bl一”

“Rey, how could you be so reckless! He could have killed you!” Leia interrupted, her tone changing from concerned to enraged. “Do you know how many people here count on you? How many people see you as a beacon of hope? Do you know what would happen to the Resistance if you  _ died _ ?”

“I-I knew he wouldn’t kill me. I could feel it.” Rey tried to defend herself.

“So you risked the entire Resistance on a  _ feeling _ ? Do you realize how irresponsible that is?”

Rey felt like a child who had been caught sneaking out of the house. While the feeling was disconcerting, it was oddly nice to know someone cared about her enough to yell at her about being safe.

“Well I’m here and I’m safe so there’s no need to dwell on the past. Now can I please get through the rest of the story before you yell at me again?”

Leia clenched her jaw and nodded minutely.

“I cut him off in front of the cells but one of his Knights threw a knife, which hit my shoulder. I hadn’t really anticipated them being a problem which was obviously a mistake.”

Leia’s eyes narrowed and she glanced at the unmarred skin of Rey’s shoulder.

“Be…Kylo seemed really,” Rey searched for the word. “Concerned? He healed my shoulder but then he knocked me out. That’s all I remember…obviously.”

Rey glanced up to look at Leia who was eying her thoughtfully.

“Well ironically, it was  _ Finn _ who found  _ you _ . He was worried sick because he had no idea what was wrong with you. There was blood on your shoulder but no wound. I guess it makes sense now.”

Silence stretched between the two women before Rey broke it. “How many losses?” She asked quietly, almost afraid to know.

“None,” Leia answered, a smile creeping onto her face. For a second Rey thought she had heard the older woman wrong. “A few soldiers were stunned but that was the extent of it.”

“But…that doesn’t make sense! They had five Force-wielders!” Rey’s mind whirled in confusion.  _ They could have easily wiped us out. Why didn’t they? _ Rey couldn’t come up with a reason.

“I’m just as confused as you are, Rey, but there’s no point in dwelling on it. We’ll never understand their intentions.”

Rey nodded but her mind continued to search for an explanation. Something to make this all make sense. “I’m assuming the prisoner is gone.”

Leia nodded grimly. “A small price to pay for no losses I would say.”

Rey was about to agree with her when Finn burst through the med-bay door.

“Rey! For kriff’s sake you gave me a heart attack when I found you. I’m so glad you’re okay.” He hugged her tightly and Rey closed her eyes, sinking into the hug.  _ Everything is okay for now. _

************

The second Kylo Ren’s ship landed on Supremacy, Hux was upon him.

“Supreme Leader, you did not get a mission cleared. Where exactly were you?” Hux questioned Kylo through gritted teeth.

“In case you forgot, Commander Hux, I do not answer to you and I do not need to get my missions cleared by you.”

The Knights filed out of the ship, talking in low voices.

“Leave us.” Kylo commanded, watching as the pasty man in front of him turned scarlet in rage.

“Excuse me Ren一”

“That’s Supreme Leader to you. Now leave us before I have you forcibly removed.” Kylo interrupted, not bothering to listen to what the redhead was going to say.

“Of course,  _ Supreme Leader, _ ” Hux spit the words out with disdain before turning on his heel and leaving the room. His appointed guards followed him out.

Kylo let the insolence go, not in the mood to deal with Hux at the moment. He turned to the Knights who stood in a horizontal line behind him.

“Trinith, take Velusia to the medbay to get checked over.”

“But一,” Velusia tried to interrupt.

“No. You will go. That’s an order.”

Zaddja cast a longing look at Velusia that Kylo caught.

“Zaddja you can accompany her if you wish.”

Zaddja flushed. “I would like to talk to you first sir, if I may.”

Kylo nodded his assent as he turned to leave the landing bay. He turned towards his quarters and Zaddja quickened her pace to walk alongside him.

When they reached the room, Kylo inputted the security code and the door slid open, revealing a room saturated with various shades of gray and black.

When the door slid shut, Kylo removed his mask and Zaddja followed suit, placing her discarded mask on the desk beside her. Silence stretched between the two for a moment and when it became apparent that Kylo would not start the conversation, Zaddja took point.

“Sir, I don’t mean to overstep but I am curious about your relationship with the Jedi. All of the Knights are. It is clear you care for her,” Zaddja held her hand up to stop Kylo’s words of protest. “Do not bother trying to deny it, especially after that display today. I’m frankly surprised Aldorus still has his head.”

Kylo chuckled halfheartedly. “There is no relationship between Rey and I. We had a…a connection through the Force but Snoke claimed credit for it.”

“And you believe him?” Zaddja’s eyebrows raised. “That man, if you can even call him a man, was a manipulative snake. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.”

“I didn’t at first but we haven’t been,” Kylo searched for the word, “connected since his death. I don’t want to believe it but it could have been just another part of his deception.”

Zaddja took one of his large hands in both of her small ones. “Even if the connection was a lie, I saw how you acted when she was hurt. How you feel about her, that’s real.”

Kylo retracted his hand from Zaddja’s grasp and ran it over his face in exasperation. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about her, Zaddja. We are on different sides of a  _ war.  _ I may never even  _ see _ her again and if I do it will be from across a battlefield. There’s no future in that and there’s no use in thinking about things that will never happen.”

Zaddja looked saddened by his words. “I’m sorry it’s like this, Kylo,” she whispered.

He just gave her a sad smile in return. “Go see Velusia now. I’m sure she’s done being examined by the med-droids.”

Zaddja flushed and Kylo gave her a genuine smile this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! There aren't really any terms in this chapter that I felt needed defining. If you liked the chapter consider leaving kudos or even a comment! I'll be back next Tuesday with another chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I hope you like this chapter! I’m posting from my phone again because my computer is refusing to turn on. Thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos on previous chapters. It really inspires me to write faster and get these chapters out on time! Hope you enjoy!

The Resistance had settled on Felucia, a rainforest planet with oppressive humidity, in an abandoned Empire base that had once housed members of the Imperial Army. The heat from the outdoors couldn’t penetrate the durasteel structure and Rey found the inside of the base to be chilling, in more ways than one.

In the week since the group had arrived, Rey had helped everyone settle in as well as assisted in getting the base operational. Luckily, the local Felusians were not hostile and did not pose a threat to the Resistance’s ability to hunker down on the new planet. 

Rey was enamored with the colorful wildlife, from the pink-budded nysilin to the flying gelagrub. Not many creatures resided on Jakku because of the dry heat and the miles upon miles of orange sand. She spent as much time as possible outside, facing the heat in order to drink in the greenery that fascinated her.

She had just finished getting ready for bed in the fresher - taking a shower, cleaning her teeth, putting on pajamas - and was brushing her hair in front of the small mirror positioned on the dresser in her quarters when she noticed him.

She caught a glimpse of him in the mirror and her breath caught in her throat.  _ There’s no way he’s actually here. I must be going crazy. _

She turned slowly, almost afraid to look. There he was, his broad body taking up much of the small room, staring at her in something akin to shock.

“You’re here,” she breathed, disbelief coloring her tone.

He nodded, eyes wide and scanning her from head to toe. His eyes landed on her shoulder, unmarred and exposed due to her skimpy tank top. She suddenly felt very vulnerable and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her legs, thankfully, were fully covered in soft leggings.

“How? I thought this,” she gestured between them, “was Snoke’s doing.”

“As did I.” His deep timbre filled the small space, wrapping itself around Rey. She had forgotten how he sounded without his mask, how his raw voice affected her.

The two stared at one another, the room growing thick with tension. Eventually, Rey sat on her bed, fiddling with the corner of her thin blanket.

“Huh,” Kylo made a small sound. Rey looked up and met his eyes.

“What?” She asked.

“I can see your bed. I could never see any of your surroundings before.”

Rey’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion as Kylo crossed the room and sat. A chair materialized around him and her eyebrows furrowed further. The chair phased in and out of reality. Rey found if she concentrated hard on seeing it, it would stay visible.

“I can see your chair.”

The silence returned, suffocating Rey and prompting her to speak.

“Why did you heal me?” Rey said and winced. She wanted to know, in fact she was dying to, but that was not the way to broach the subject.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

To Rey’s surprise, he responded, though not in the way she wanted.

“I don’t know. Why did you let me?” He asked, nonchalance present in his tone.

_ Because as soon as you touched me I was powerless to say no. _ “I was hurt. I would have been stupid to refuse help, even from you.” The lie rang in her ears.

“That’s it?” His deep, brown eyes bored into her own and she shivered. As much as she wanted to deny it, it wasn’t from the cold.

“Yes,” she replied, but it sounded so dishonest to her own ears she wouldn’t be surprised if he could detect the lie.

*************

“Yes,” she replied.

Kylo felt an unexpected wave of hurt wash over him, drowning him in its depths.  _ What did you expect? Did you think she would pledge her undying love for you? Pathetic. _ His exterior hardened and he turned his gaze away from her, settling it on the frayed edge of the thin blanket covering her bed.

As he stewed in his resentment, either at Rey or himself, he wasn’t sure, there was an intricate knocking pattern at the door.

“Come in,” he called, knowing from the pattern that it was a Knight. 

Rey looked at him quizzically. “Who is that?”

Kylo ignored her and turned in his chair to see Mirial enter the room. The Knight removed his mask, revealing his long brown hair and the eyepatch that covered his left eye.

“Good to have you back. How was your mission?”

“Unsuccessful. Shall we talk about it now?”

“Just briefly. Were you unable to locate it?” Kylo was purposely cryptic, careful to ensure that he was not revealing any information to Rey.

“Yes. May I ask again why you sent me for a kyber crystal when you and all the knights have a functional lightsaber already?”

  
“No, you may not. Now leave u…me. I’m busy.”

Mirial scanned the room and narrowed his visible eye at Kylo skeptically but did not comment. He turned and pressed the button on the wall that opened the door, exiting the room.

As if sensing that the Knight had left, Rey spoke up. “Who was that?”

“One of my Knights,” Kylo replied vaguely.

“Which one?” She asked hopefully. Kylo saw right through it.

“I’m not revealing the name of one of my Knights. You already know one of them and that is one too many.”

“I don’t,” Rey protested.

Kylo looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean you don’t? You interrogated one of my Knights. Surely you found out her  _ name _ at least.”

  
“Nope. She didn’t offer up the information.”

“Offer up the information?” Kylo said, incredulous. “Rey, you are incredibly strong with the Force. You can take anything you want from almost anyone you want.” He looked at her in disbelief.

“Well some of us don’t like to look in people’s minds without their permission.” She retorted. Then she yawned.

Kylo was grateful for the distraction.

“You should sleep.” He took another look at the skimpy attire she sported.  _ She is not pretty. She is not adorable. I am the Supreme Leader, I do not get distracted by pretty girls. Kriff, I called her pretty.  _ “It looks like that was what you were headed to do.”

“Why do you care if I sleep or not?”

_ Good question. _ “I don’t,” he answered, feigning nonchalance. “Run yourself ragged for all I care.”  _ Lie. _

“Maybe I will,” she huffed, but even as she said it her shoulders hunched and her eyelids drooped, threatening to close.

Kylo turned his back on her, pretending to study the datapad on his desk as his ears strained to hear her movements.

He heard when she resigned herself to getting into bed, rustling the sheets as she struggled to get comfortable. He heard when she finally achieved that comfort and sighed quietly to herself. He heard when her quiet snores started and filled the space. It was only then that her turned and looked at her.

She was on her side, curled into herself as if to make herself as small as possible. Her hair was spread on the pillow and Kylo had to resist the urge to touch it, to see if it was as soft as it looked. He had never seen her hair down before. 

His eyes trailed over her face, starting at her eyelashes that rested on freckle-dusted cheekbones, moving down to her button nose and ending at her small, rosy mouth. She seemed impossibly young and small in her sleep.  _ How is it that I get to see her like this after all I’ve done. I don’t deserve this. _

Kylo turned to his desk and took out a piece of heavy paper. While most of his work was done on his holopad, Kylo had paper in his desk for drawing, one of his guilty pleasures. He turned back to her, breath catching in his throat at the sight of her again.

He looked down at the paper and back up at Rey, studying her face and then making the first line. Many more followed as he developed his sketch, looking up at Rey for reference every once and awhile.

Then, one of the times he looked up she was gone. He mourned the loss of her presence as exhaustion setted deep in his bones. He left the nearly completed sketch on the desk and stumbled to his bed. It needed to be touched up but the majority of it was done.

As soon as he pulled the covers over his large frame, sleep claimed him. He had never fallen asleep so quickly.

************

Rey awoke to sunlight streaming in her window, casting a warm glow upon her face. For a luxurious moment, Rey forgot about the events of the night before, but soon enough they came crashing down.

She looked around frantically for signs of Ben but found nothing. He was gone. A small part of her was disappointed, but the rest of her was relieved. Being in his presence was intense, and Rey wasn’t sure she could handle it first thing in the morning. 

Something on the small desk in the corner of the room caught Rey’s eye and she left the warm comfort of her blankets to see what it was. As she approached and caught sight of the object, she gasped.

It was a picture - no, a drawing - of  _ her. _ She reached out to grab it and held it gingerly. She could feel Ben’s signature on it, strengthening Rey’s conclusion that Ben had drawn it.

She studied the drawing. It was just a sketch, done in simple graphite, but it blew her away. She looked so beautiful in the image, her long lashes curving upwards and a small strand of hair draped daintily across her face.  _ Is that really how he sees me? _

She would have dwelt on the matter further, but a loud knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts.

“Peanut, are you awake? Can I come in?”

Rey’s eyes grew wide and she searched for a place to put the sketch. “Yeah, I’m up,” she replied while frantically opening a dresser drawer and shoving the drawing in. Her body protested at treating the artwork so indelicately. 

She turned to smile at Finn as the door to her room opened, doing her best to look innocent. The slightly open dresser drawer taunted her.

Finn gave her an odd look but did not comment. “Leia called a meeting. It’s in,” he checked the datapad in his hand, “forty minutes but I figured you’d want to shower and get some breakfast and caf. I know you like to eat.”

Rey smiled even as she felt an acute pang inside her. There was a time when she hadn’t known when her next meal would be. The vestiges of that time still held her in their grasp and she felt the need to eat as much as she could when food was available, lest she be thrown back into a time of small, unfulfilling meals. It was irrational, Rey knew, but it was the kind of thing that stuck with a person long after the real threat was gone.

“Alright, I’ll step into the ‘fresher and get ready and then I’ll meet you in the mess hall in fifteen minutes?”

One of the perks of using a base that formerly held large amounts of soldiers was that many of the necessary amenities were already there and did not have to be converted from another room. One such room was the mess hall.

Finn nodded and swept his gaze around the room one last time before turning and leaving. The door slid closed behind him and Rey let out a sigh of relief.

She opened the drawer where she had hid the drawing minutes before. To her dismay, it was crinkled and there was a light fold cutting from the top right corner to the middle of the page. She smoothed it out with her palm, feeling the rough texture of the paper, and then opened the drawer that held her undergarments. She pulled some of the garments out and carefully put the sketch at the bottom of the drawer. Then she replaced them, taking care to be sure the paper could not be seen, and closed the drawer.  _ I better shower quickly. _

************

Rey and Finn hurried to the conference room after their breakfast. Poe had left the mess hall early to talk to Leia before the meeting commenced and Rey and Finn had lost track of time in his absence.

When they entered the room, all eyes turned to them. Leia looked as though she was about to start talking. Rey smiled sheepishly, taking a spot in the back of the room.

Leia cleared her throat. “We have received intelligence that there is a small First Order weapon manufacturing plant on Anoat. It’s not a big attack but we need to stay active and we don’t have enough people for a more risky operation.”

The general looked around the room and her eyes settled on Rey for a moment. “The planet is extremely polluted, a product of the Empire’s gassing many years ago. Now, what does this mean for us? We only have twelve masks that are suitable for the atmosphere, which means we’re going to need to be strategic.”

Rey tuned in and out from there as Leia discussed the logistics of the mission. She knew she should pay attention, but her mind wandered on its own accord. The drawing was burned behind her eyelids, taunting her every time she blinked.  _ I didn’t know he could draw. _

It was such a simple thought but it implied much more than just that Rey was unaware of his artistic talents.  _ I wonder what else I don’t know about him. _ She was off-put by her own curiosity.  _ It doesn’t matter what I don’t know about him. I know enough to know that he is a monster. _

Rey tuned back in just in time to hear Leia mention her name.

“Rey will be part of the ground team along with Finn…” Rey stopped listening again as Leia listed the people who would accompany her on the ground. She had presumed she would be part of the mission because of her Force abilities.

She briefly acknowledged Poe protesting something and being shot down. She itched to get out of the room, to go train or do something other than stand and listen to infiltration plans.  _ I’m not sure why people see me as a beacon of hope when I can’t even sit through a strategy meeting. _

************

When the meeting was done, Rey immediately retreated outdoors. She hiked a small way from the base, occasionally getting dripped on from the tall trees. _ It must have rained overnight. _

Rey was still fascinated by rain. The fact that water just fell from the sky and saturated the ground seemed so wasteful to her. There were people in the universe who were dying of thirst and yet on some worlds, rain came down in sheets and caused floods.

Steam rose from the ground in waves as the planet started to heat, making the path Rey was traveling seem foggy. In a few hours, the oppressive humidity would drive her indoors but for now she could train without interruption.

Rey reached the clearing she had discovered on the day of the Resistance’s relocation. It was small, surrounded by dense trees and ferns and peppered with small, pink flowers. The unease she had felt since seeing the drawing on her desk this morning fell away as she took in a deep breath.

She began to twirl her staff, jabbing out at times, her feet dancing in a complicated pattern as she moved. The two pieces of Luke’s lightsaber sat in the drawer of her small desk back at the base. They taunted her every time she looked at them but she couldn’t bring herself to start repairing it. It just didn’t feel right. Rey supposed she would have to set about repairing it soon unless she could find a kyber crystal laying around, but she would put it off as long as possible.

Her jabs and slashes started coming quicker with more power behind them. Her breathing became labored and sweat dripped into her eyes as she thrust the staff at an invisible opponent. An invisible opponent who, with a shimmer of air, became visible as she stopped mid-swing, narrowly missing the figure that appeared in her peripheral vision.

Ben’s hand came up to protect himself from the staff that never hit the mark. Rey starred in horror at his large form, her mind replaying his abrupt arrival and the mulling over the fact that she could have  _ hit _ him with her staff.

Her face flushed as she remembered the drawing currently residing in her underwear drawer.

He cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow at her and she noticed that her staff was still hovering a few inches away from his torso. She hastily retracted it and flushed again.

“Are you going to start showing up uninvited more often now?” Rey could feel sweat dripping down her back in rivulets, making her shirt stick to it. She was painfully aware of her bedraggled appearance and tried not to squirm under Ben’s penetrating gaze.

“You know that I have no control over this bond, same as you. If I did I wouldn’t waste my time visiting a scavenger in the middle of the day.”

A small flash of hurt shot through Rey before anger took over and she glared up at the man. “You showing up isn’t my idea of a great time either.”

The atmosphere crackled with hostility. Rey couldn’t help but compare it to their connection the night before. That connection had been more soft, with no heat behind the remarks. Now, Ben was looking down at her with a look of disdain that made her insides wither.

“Oh, well in that case I’ll just make sure not to  _ inconvenience _ you ever again with my presence.” Ben sneered. “Oh wait, I don’t have a kriffing choice!”

Rey couldn’t believe that the man sneering down at her right now had drawn her so beautifully. This man she was facing was Kylo, and the one last night had been Ben.  _ I like Ben better. _

“Well, what  _ do _ you know about the bond?” Rey asked. “Is there a way to break it?”

“Break it?” Something unreadable flashed behind Kylo’s eyes before he closed himself off completely. Rey decided she liked his anger more than the look of indifference he had pasted on. “You want to break it?”

“Well yeah,” Rey responded as though it were obvious. “It’s dangerous. You could figure out where I am and come destroy me.” She paused. “Don’t you want to break it?”

“Of course,” he replied, but his voice sounded strained.  _ That’s odd. _

Rey studied him, trying to gauge his emotions and opened her mouth to say something else but his form began blurring and fading from view.

He was gone before she could even close her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Terms from the chapter:  
> Felucia: A humid jungle planet located in the outer rim, home to many non-sentient beings and the Felucians  
> Nysilin: A healing herb with pink buds found on Felucia  
> Gelagrub: Large, winged creatures found on Felucia  
> Anoat: A highly toxic planet (due to being gassed by the Empire) located on the outer rim


End file.
